I thought a lot about the last few years. Things we did. Things we didn’t. Ups and downs. I like to think that there were a lot more ups than downs. If not, I will keep pretending so. I have to.

But the downs and the things we didn’t do remain. The things I didn’t want to.

I tried to write up some reasoning for this or that. What I think kept me busy years ago. What challenges I take or evade. And why I do so. Or why I would like to believe I do.

I keep writing this in my head for a few weeks now. And rewriting it over and over again. Slowly, I think, I start to understand. It settles in.

I’m an idiot.